1. She Sees Her Children as Trophies or Pawns
A narcissistic mother sees her child as an extension of herself
and uses their achievements to show off her status and ability.
The only thing she cares about
is how others see her through her children.
- She is full of praise when you make her look good, but hypercritical and judgmental when you make her look bad.
- She knows exactly where it hurts and will make comments at your expense without consideration.
- If you have siblings, she will pit you against each other for control. The “golden child” is favored for making her look good, while the “scapegoat” is blamed for everything and emotionally rejected for making her look bad.
2. She Likes to Keep Control
Mothers who exhibit narcissistic traits like to have complete control
over all aspects of their children’s lives, from friends
and music to clothes and habits.
She may get angry when you disagree
or try to make you feel guilty for having separate
interests, hobbies, desires, or opinions.
3. She Uses Manipulation to Get What She Wants
Manipulation is her game, and she plays it well.
Trying to assert yourself often results in anger, rejection, and hostility.
She will use emotional blackmail and guilt trips to make you
and your siblings dance to her tune.
She does not appreciate your attempts to individuate,
as it means you will be less available to serve her needs.
4. Her Love is Conditional
Because she is primarily interested in how your achievements
reflect on her, she uses love as a way to reward and punish.
She may even become jealous of you.
Narcissistic mothers know that their love is their most powerful weapon.
As a result, children of narcissistic mothers often become
perfectionists in a misguided attempt
to win their mother’s unconditional love.
5. She Diverts the Conversation to Focus on Herself
When you try to communicate an issue or problem,
you might feel like she is simply not listening,
making you feel unvalued in the family dynamic.
Narcissistic mothers will automatically take control
and change the direction of any conversation
to focus back on themselves.
6. She Lacks Empathy
Because they are hyper-focused on themselves,
narcissistic mothers are unable to sympathize with their children.
- There is very little room in her emotional consciousness to validate your feelings.
- She feels the entire world should revolve around her.
- If she does something that upsets you, she will not acknowledge her mistakes or soothe your upset because she believes she can do no wrong.
7. She is Unpredictable
You never quite know where you stand with a narcissistic mother,
as they wax and wane in their attention and availability.
She may shower you with affection
and attention when she wants something from you
(a tactic known as love bombing)
and completely ignore you when she doesn’t need anything.
8. She Carries Grudges
A narcissistic mother will hold a grudge over something
that happened days, months, or even years ago,
with no sign of forgiving or forgetting.
This happens because she is quick to develop a victim mentality.
She is wired to manipulate others,
which includes weaponizing your past mistakes to guilt-trip
you into giving her what she wants.
9. She is Emotionally Volatile
Volatility is a key trait of narcissism.
Underneath their bluster, mothers with these characteristics
actually have very low self-esteem.
If they meet ongoing resistance, they will easily become teary,
desperate, and highly manipulative.
10. She Will Never Want to Let You Go
While all healthy parents know their kids will eventually
grow up and leave the nest,
narcissistic mothers have a much harder time letting go.
Codependency is a trademark of people suffering
from narcissistic personality disorder.
A narcissistic mother will try to hold on to her child
as long as possible, even into adulthood,
using every tactic in the book to make them
feel permanently dependent on her.
