Psychologist Explains What It Could Mean If You Dream About Sleeping With Your Ex

Studies suggest that around eight percent of women’s dreams and twelve percent of men’s dreams include sexual themes.

A psychologist has shared insight into why people experience sexual dreams and what it might mean when those dreams involve someone other than a current partner.

Sexual dreams are actually very common. Research cited by Psychology Today suggests that about eight percent of dreams reported by women and twelve percent of dreams reported by men include sexual themes.

Studies have also found an interesting pattern. People who have more frequent sexual activity, spend more time thinking about sex, or engage more often in sexual fantasies tend to report a higher number of erotic dreams.

But why does this happen?

Clinical psychologist Borbála Rozsnyik, who worked with Erotik.com on the topic, explained that the answer often lies in the REM stage of sleep.

During this stage, the brain becomes very active and dreams can feel vivid, emotional, and almost story-like because the brain is processing experiences, memories, and feelings from waking life.

She explained that dreams during this stage tend to feel more intense because the mind is organizing emotional information while the body rests.

At the same time, certain hormones linked to sexual arousal may increase during sleep. This can lead to physical reactions in the body, including erections in men or increased blood flow to the genital area in women.

Sex dreams make up about eight percent of dreamsMaskot/Getty
Because of this mix of emotional processing and physical responses, sexual themes can easily appear in dreams even when a person has not consciously been thinking about them.

The brain may simply be combining memories, emotions, and bodily sensations in ways that produce unexpected dream scenarios.

How common are erotic dreams about people who aren’t your other half?

If you ever wake up feeling uneasy after having a sexual dream about someone who is not your partner, it turns out that this situation is extremely common.

A study published in 2021 found that only about fourteen percent of people who reported erotic dreams said those dreams involved their partner every time.

In other words, most people who experience sexual dreams occasionally dream about someone outside their current relationship.

That does not necessarily mean someone is still emotionally attached to a former partner, according to Rozsnyik.

Dreams often pull images and people from past experiences. They can also combine emotional memories that the brain is still working through.

Because of this, a former partner may appear in a dream simply because that person represents a certain time, emotion, or experience.

According to the psychologist, it ‘can indicate emotions that have not yet been fully processed’, though that does not automatically mean romantic feelings still exist.

Intimate dreams that involve a colleague or friend

Feelings such as unresolved longing, anger, fear, or even a lingering sense of loss can sometimes trigger dreams about former partners.

But dreams can sometimes go even further. Some people experience sexual dreams about coworkers or close friends, which can feel even more awkward after waking up.

Rozsnyik explained that dreams involving familiar people do not always represent direct attraction.

She said: “Such dreams may reflect exploring boundaries, hint at forbidden wishes, or symbolize traits that the dreamer associates with that person.”

“If someone dreams about having sex with a colleague, it does not necessarily mean that there is an actual – conscious or unconscious – sexual attraction.”

What does it mean to have these dreams about your ex?Jackyenjoyphotography/Getty
In many cases, the brain may be using that person as a symbol or connection to a different emotional memory.

Dream imagery often blends relationships, conversations, and feelings in ways that do not directly reflect real-life desires.

“Perhaps the colleague reminds the dreamer of someone else; perhaps the dream reverses a negative attitude; or perhaps a conversation about that person’s relationship triggered a sense of identification.”

The 2021 study also found a difference between men and women when it comes to who appears in these dreams.

Women most often reported erotic dreams involving their current partners, while men more frequently reported dreams involving acquaintances or people they knew more casually.

Try not to put too much emphasis on dreams

In the end, Rozsnyik suggests that people should avoid placing too much weight on what appears in their dreams.

“Dream interpretation can be meaningful when a dream continues to occupy someone’s thoughts,” she explained.

“I do not believe dreams are purely random by-products of neural activity. At the same time, not every dream necessarily has a deeper meaning. Sometimes a dream simply reflects a moment of feeling good during sleep – which may even have a positive effect on the following day.”

Dreams can sometimes provide insight into emotions or thoughts that the mind is processing.

However, they can also simply reflect the brain’s natural activity during sleep, mixing memories, sensations, and imagination into temporary stories that disappear when we wake up.