Life with a narcissist is bad enough, without zoning in on specifics. However, if I didn’t do that, I wouldn’t be doing you many favors.
Pointing out exactly how bad things can get for you is how the light can go on, and your healing begins.
Humiliations are a great place to start. What kinds of things do you tolerate in a narcissistic relationship that only dishonors who you are? Let’s look at 11 that occur daily.
1.Being ignored for no reason
Being ignored for no reason can really feel like the rug is being pulled from underneath you.
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Things can go from okay to very bad in the space of a few breaths, and that will be because the narcissist wants you to learn who is in control, and how they get that control.
It’s no picnic.
In fact, it can reek of sheer humiliation when you assume everything is fine and then it suddenly, well, isn’t.
It’s rude, childish, and incredibly toxic. But expect no less from a narcissist.
2. Public embarrassment
Let me tell you, any opportunity the narcissist gets to embarrass you in public, they will. This isn’t a case of watching what you say or do because you leave yourself wide open to ridicule, this is very real and very common.
It won’t matter who you are, as long as you are around a narcissist, they will pick at you and make it public.
Don’t for once assume an easy ride. A narcissist wants to humiliate you, and it will probably appear very innocent to others, but all it takes is for you to know the truth.
If you feel that deep shame, the narcissist will have done what they set out to.
3. Comparing you to others
Comparison is known as the thief of joy, and it really will steal yours when the narcissist gets their claws into you.
Suddenly, you won’t be as confident as Sam, and you won’t be as determined as Ruth. Rose will have all her stuff together and you will hear about it, making you feel like you don’t.
These comparisons will make you feel such a deep level of shame that you will fail to see any good in your character, and that’s where the narcissist will have won.
It’s done purposely to make you feel small, unseen and unheard.
4. Blaming you for their behavior
Why should anything be your fault? Why are you left feeling like you should shoulder any blame? And what do you as a victim of narcissistic abuse end up doing with said blame?
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You hold it, like it’s yours, but it isn’t. You want to take it from the narcissist in the hope they will see you being accountable and wanting to try to make it better, but they won’t see you.
They won’t forgive you. In fact, all that will happen is the narcissist will realize they can blame you for literally anything and get away with it.
Do you want that to be your life?
5. Invading your privacy
When it comes to being in a relationship with a narcissist, there will be no boundaries. Narcissists hate them, and set out to destroy any that try to be implemented.
So the choice is, y ou crack and allow them to be broken, or you double down and dig deep. The latter means you will ultimately lose the narcissist, but that’s where the problem lies.
Victims often don’t want to “lose” the person they “love,” so those boundaries will be no more, leaving you wide open for humiliation.
See also How Narcissistic Fathers Punish Their Children for Showing Emotions
6. Invalidating anything you achieve
Can there be much more humiliation? You achieve, no matter how big or small, and you look to the narcissist with that hopeful smile. You want them to say those words, but instead, they shake their head and sigh.
You may even hear the dull, familiar tone of mockery because what you did “wasn’t even that much of a big deal.”
What will it take? In truth, you could solve world peace and the narcissist will shrug and put the football game on the TV like nothing happened.
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7. Demanding that you’re perfect
Is anybody actually perfect in this world? You’d think so, the way the narcissist is obsessed with perfection, but nobody is.
That won’t stop them from expecting it from you, and that’s why you’ll never quite meet their ridiculous standard. They know it, too, deep down, but for them, that’s half the fun.
They want to watch you humiliate yourself trying to be faultless, and the more you become frustrated that you simply cannot be that person, the more they will enjoy humiliating you.
8. Shaming your needs
When you think about your needs and push them aside, are you doing it because you are genuinely unsure what your needs are, or because you’ve been taught they don’t matter?
In narcissistic r relationships, that answer is going to be both. That’s due to the fact that any needs you have will be shamed by the narcissist, even the most basic.
A hug here, a date night there. Even to be listened to once in a while would make a huge difference, but it goes without saying:
You won’t get any of it with a narcissist.
9. Laughing at your hobbies
What’s so funny, right? Well, you’d be surprised. Your hobbies will be hilarious to the narcissist; a person who is unable to see the fun in absolutely anything.
Your hobbies instead will be shamed until you are too embarrassed to even keep them alive. It’s easier, right?
To let them go and not feel the blunt, shamed force of the narcissist whenever you pick up that paintbrush or read that book.
And slowly, you become what they want you to be.
10. Embarrassing you in front of friends and family
It’s one thing being embarrassed in front of strangers whom you will never see again (and that’s bad enough), but to be embarrassed in front of your loved ones is quite another.
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These are the people who know you and love you, and the narcissist shapes you right before their eyes.
A joke here, something you didn’t do quite right there, an opinion you have, a piece of news you got wrong; whatever it may be.
Prepare for your loved ones to hear about all the ways you don’t quite measure up in the eyes of the narcissist…
…Set up especially for when you both break up, so you look like the “lesser then” in the relationship.
11. Invading your privacy
All doors may as well be open in your relationship. Your diary? If you have one, prepare for it to be found and read.
Your schedule? It doesn’t matter what you have planned, the narcissist will know about it. Passwords? You have to hand them over otherwise you can’t be trusted.
But the narcissist’s privacy will always be honored by them, because, you know, double standards and all that.
Don’t expect any privacy, to the point where it will be humiliating for them to know everything there is to know about you.
